The day before

Today I embark on my journey to San Francisco for my kidney transplant. ok, since I live locally, it is journey in theory only ..but a journey nonetheless. I have been waiting for a kidney transplant for almost 4 years. You would think I would be excited and anxious to be getting off dialysis and moving on to a better life. But unfortunately I don't feel that way at all. I can't see past the struggle I will endure the next few weeks to see the positive and I have so many fears.

Fear the transplant will not work
Fear there will be complications during the surgery
Fear I will reject the kidney and therefore cause pain and suffering of myself and my best friend (donating the kidney) for no reason
Fear this will not do what everyone says and many will be disappointed
Fear that I will again be forced to accept the help of my friends and family just to survive.

Anticipation is the hardest part of surgery..major or minor. I was always comfortable with doctors and took all the hard medical treatments with a smile. But, this one is the most difficult for me. I can't wait for it to be over so I can move forward and deal with whatever results may come.

I always try to smile. I don't tell when I am hurting, and I pretend to be fine when I am incredibly sick. This blog is not going to be like that at all. I want to be honest. In the weeks to come I will have both good days and bad. I hope this not only allows my loved ones to follow along but also helps someone else one day. On days I am too sick, I will have others post for me. I will do my best to keep all informed.

Thanks for all the support..until next time.
Cath